I Am...

Many of us may be able to relate with this story, which gives us a glimpse of our own quests for certain meanings of life. As we awake everyday and begin to set pace with the fast moving world, we slowly tear away from ourselves and melt into the mould of the outside world. But every once in a while we may get a chance to reflect on the version of ourself that is untainted. And that is where we can find our peace...

“Today I have given up all fears of failing this test…for the degree of failure is relative to the degree of success and I am not a sufferer of either. I am an observer of both. I am…not what the world sees me as…I am not the idea I have of me…I am simply…I…”

I am…

Warm breeze blew lazily over the top of a green hill from where the golden rays of a setting Sun were receding. A peaceful serenity rested upon the hilltop, seamlessly weaving itself between all that existed in the moment. Everything appeared to lie wrapped in a blanket of unperturbed harmony and yet this tranquility seemed to arise from within everything. Unified with the flow, perched upon a rock was a monk. His eyes closed, a mysterious smile resting on his face he breathed in the warm air.

Not long before evening visibly matured into night, the sound of hurried footsteps stirred the air. An anxious energy brewed in the air but failed to draw the monk out of his peaceful state. The more fretful the disturber became, the more peaceful the monk looked. A few moments passed by and just as the disturber reached the threshold of waning patience the monk slowly opened his eyes to look at his young, anxiety-laden disciple.

Before the monk could say anything, his disciple began to vent, “Lama…Please help me prepare for the test tomorrow. I wasn’t aware that I would be nominated to be a teacher…It does not matter to me if I am not made the teacher but I must not make a fool of myself…”

The monk simply got up from his seat and began to walk away without acknowledging his young disciple. Overcome by a sense of defeat, the disciple tried to keep up with his mentor. The monk did not say much until they reached the monastery but just before he retired for to his room, he asked his disciple, “what do you call yourself?”

Taken aback by the question, the disciple felt a sense of hurt, as his mentor seemed to not recognize him. Trying not to let his hurt translate he said, “Pema…”

The monk looked into Pema’s eyes and said, “that is what the world calls you…what do you call yourself?”

Leaving Pema in deep contemplation, the monk disappeared into his room.

That night Pema did not sleep. The initial stress of his test had now dissolved into the baffling question his mentor had asked him. Staring at the starlit skies, Pema let the night pass.

Early next morning Pema went to the monastery hall, where his teacher stood, ready to test him. The test was more personal as opposed to a competition and hence Pema would be alone during the course of it.

“You have been given three tasks, the solutions to which you must present before sunset. You will be judged based on your ability to look beyond what is…And so here are the questions…One- how would you walk on the river with no support in the water? Two- how would you kill your shadow without destroying yourself? Three- if my older brother was walking across the road and you saw him, who would he be in relation to you?”

Pema absorbed the questions and walked away into his room. When he finally emerged, it was nearing sunset. With a slight smile on his face Pema greeted his teacher. Asking the teacher to accompany him, Pema walked to the lake behind the monastery.

As the teacher watched, Pema climbed upon a rock and looked at his reflection in the water. As the still water clearly reflected the rock that Pema was standing on, he took three small steps forward. The teacher smiled and nodded. The teacher understood what Pema was trying to say, “The reflection that walks upon the water as much the person as the person is the reflection….”

Not wasting much time, Pema then asked the teacher to accompany him to his room. Standing in the middle of the room, he lit a lamp on that lay on the desk there. He then adjusted himself in a way that his shadow was cast behind him. Intrigued by how Pema was going to destroy his shadow, the teacher stood with anticipation.

Without wasting much time, Pema lifted the lamp and placed it on his head such that the shadow shortened to almost non-existent. The teacher nodded but was slightly disappointed by the predictability of the solution. Just then Pema doused the lamp, covering the room in darkness. He then said softly, “shrinking the shadow may make the shadow difficult to trace but it still exists. To destroy the shadow, one way would be to destroy the body but no matter how we do that the body is still capable of casting a shadow until it is visible. So if we can douse the source that creates the shadow, we can destroy the shadow without harming the form.

Still standing within the dark room, Pema answered the last question, “If I saw your older brother on the road, he would not mean anything to me but another person. For he being a brother is relative to your existence. In the same way he may be given many such terms as a son, a husband, a friend. It is important to see him apart from these tags and terms.”

Hearing this the teacher began to leave, when Pema put on the lamp and said, “Today I have given up all fears of failing this test…for the degree of failure is relative to the degree of success and I am not a sufferer of either. I am an observer of both. I am…not what the world sees me as…I am not the idea I have of me…I am simply…I…”